When I was bald as a door knob -- like Oscar, like Jada, like G.I. Jane

The big Oscar night brouhaha — actor Will Smith slapping presenter Chris Rock because of the comedian’s “G.I. Jane” quip about Smith’s wife’s hairless head — reminded me of my own egghead experience.

Before my first cochlear implant surgery, I shaved my noggin completely. What the heck, I thought. My hair’s thinning fast already, so why not go all the way? An orderly is going to buzz me if I don’t.

Not until I got to the hospital that morning for surgical prep did I learn that they most likely would have shaved just a swath above my right ear. My wife and I just laughed it off, however. And when we were back home, when I was feeling a bit friskier, we played with my new look, posing me in front of a round mirror that looked like a halo.

Voila! Saint Noel.

My message to the Smiths would be, “Get over yourselves!” People in this world, whether we’re talking Ukrainians or Bruce Willis, have real problems.

I now buzz my hair at least once of the year, just for the ease and the change of pace.

As long as I’m on the topic of the Oscars, how great was it that “CODA,” a movie about a hearing child of deaf parents, snagged the best picture and best supporting actor statuettes?

We hearing impaired folks are on a bit of a roll.

Just last year, “Sound of Metal,” a drama about a deaf rock musician who gets cochlear implants, got six nominations and took home Oscars for film editing and for its remarkable sonic illustrations of what it’s like to have your workd of sound turned off.

If hearing loss is your problem, as it is mine, what a relief to not feel invisible, too.